Rethinking Helping: What Leaders Need to Know About True Support

What do you need from me?”

It’s a simple question, yet many leaders fail to ask it. Instead, they default to offering advice, solutions, or directives—thinking they are helping. But as Edgar Schein explains in his book Helping: How to Offer, Give, and Receive Help, true helping is not about providing answers; it’s about fostering a relationship where the recipient feels empowered rather than obligated.

The Problem with Traditional Helping

Too often, helping in the workplace is transactional. A manager sees an employee struggling and jumps in with a fix. The unintended message? I know better than you. This can create dependence, resistance, or even resentment. Schein describes how many helping interactions subtly reinforce power dynamics, making the helper feel superior and the recipient feel diminished.

For leaders, this is a critical blind spot. If your support erodes autonomy, it’s not really helping—it’s controlling.

Shifting from Fixing to Facilitating

Schein highlights the difference between three types of helping:

1. Expert Help – Providing a solution based on knowledge. (E.g., an IT professional fixing a software issue.)
2. Doctor-Patient Help – Diagnosing a problem and prescribing a solution. (E.g., a consultant assessing an organization’s culture.)
3. Process Help – Engaging the recipient in a way that helps them discover their own solutions. (E.g., a manager coaching an employee to think through challenges.)

Leaders who default to expert or doctor-patient help might get short-term compliance but fail to build long-term capability.

The most effective leaders focus on process help—guiding, questioning, and empowering rather than directing.

How to Help Without Undermining

Here’s how leaders can apply Schein’s approach:

• Start with humility. Assume you don’t fully understand the situation. Instead of rushing to help, begin with curiosity: What’s going on? What do you think would work?
• Ask before acting. Offer help on the recipient’s terms: Would it be helpful if I shared some thoughts, or would you like to talk it through first?
• Validate autonomy. Reinforce that the person is capable: You have a good read on this—what options do you see?
• See help as a conversation, not a transaction. The best support is a dialogue, not a one-time fix.

The Helping Culture

A leader’s approach to helping shapes organizational culture. When leaders model inquiry, humility, and empowerment, they create environments where people seek help without fear of judgment. This leads to better learning, problem-solving, and collaboration.

Schein reminds us that helping is not about status or control—it’s about partnership. The best help doesn’t make people dependent; it makes them stronger.

So, the next time you’re about to “help,” pause. Ask yourself: Am I truly supporting, or am I just solving? The difference is everything.